Sunday, January 13, 2008

Satire of the Week

"What's the point of waking up every morning looking at the sunrise if all you see are clouds?"

Petition against the chemical Dihydrogen Monoxide

Although many people may not know it, a chemical called Dihydrogen Monoxide has wreaked much havoc on the people of Earth. This chemical has been able to spread everywhere, and has a near 100%, if not 100% rate of addiction and later, dependence. This petition is to ban the producing, the selling, and the transportation this chemical by the year 2009.

The following are several reasons why this chemical should be banned

- Over 98% of people die less than a week after consuming this chemical

- The gaseous state of dihydrogen monoxide is one of the largest contributors to global warming, even more than carbon dioxide and methane

- A recent study shows that dihydrogen Monoxide covers almost 70% of the earth, as opposed to Carbon dioxide which only makes up 13% of the atmosphere

- Dihydrogen Monoxide is one of the primary reasons for the occurrence of storms

- Due to solid Dihydrogen monoxide, much of our fresh water is unattainable

- Dihydrogen Monoxide accelerates the spread of malaria, because they create special conditions which are favorable to mosquito reproduction

- The Chemical has been shown to play a major role in some volcanic eruptions, making them more violent than they would have without Dihydrogen Monoxide

- Dihydrogen Monoxide kills more people every year than guns do

- The main chemical in contaminated drinking water is Dihydrogen monoxide

- This chemical is also the most abundant chemical to cause acid-rain

These effects are things that should not be taken lightly, and the government should help enforce new laws against this chemical. We must be kept safe, and therefore we must immediately ban this horrible chemical.

No comments: